A Letter of Wisdom to My 18-Year-Old Self

Earlier this month I hit a pretty big milestone, I turned 30. While many fear it, I embraced it because of what I have learned in my short time here. I know not everyone is promised another year and I know many great things are to come. 

I also know I have a torch to carry for the generations to come. I think of the mighty women of God in my family: my grandmothers and my mother who all stood courageously to raise their children in a Christian home, even if they sometimes had to stand alone. I'm encouraged by the words in 2 Timothy 1:5, "I remember your genuine faith, for you share the faith that first filled your grandmother Lois and your mother, Eunice. And I know that same faith continues strong in you."

It's the torch, challenge and inspiration received from my family and LeadHer sisters that encouraged me to prayerfully pen this letter. It's a love letter to my Jesus, who I met 23 years ago today, and also to my sisters that it might bring hope, help and healing.

Dear 18-year-old Jenn,

"Sweet," "gullible," "always smiling," Jenn, these are the descriptions that you have grown up hearing, and they will follow you into your future. However, as much as love to daydream, I have to warn you that the reality of the years to come will rage a war on your innocence, and this is why it's so important for you to listen to these words of wisdom: guard your heart; you are beautiful; be unique. 

Proverbs 4:23 reads, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Since you were a little girl, you have been your Daddy's "pride and joy," and he treated you like a princess, when He had the time. You watched every fairy tale and chick flick because they fed even more into your daydreams and innocence. And, you have craved that attention from a guy every day of your life. However, this has created a false and hurtful reality. While it's wonderful to see the good in people, you must proceed with caution, and guard your heart for the one that God has truly created to love you as He does. You befriend and chase boy after boy, guy after guy looking for your "Prince Charming" and craving his attention, and time after time, you are hurt because "Prince Charming" does not exist in reality. The truth is the only love that will ever truly fill the love your heart desires is the love you already know in your Heavenly Father. He will always have time for you, and give you so much attention. He can woo and sweep you off your feet like no other. The more attention you give to following Him and reading His love letters, the more you will see His love. Then, as much as you hate to wait, I truly believe when you fall "head over heels" in love with your Heavenly Father, He will lead you to a man who will love you as Christ loves His church. Neither of you will be perfect because we do not live in a perfect world; however, if you seek God together, there's no telling the places He will take you.

Sweet girl, you must not only guard your heart for God and His true love, also guard your heart for strength. The reality is we live in a dark world, and the enemy will use situations and the people you love to hurt you. You will see tragedy, trials and temptations that want to steal your innocence. Death and circumstances will take people from your life like a revolving door, and harsh words from those closest to you will hurt. However, love them and enjoy every moment and memory that you can with them because tomorrow is not promised and there's a purpose for every person that crosses your path. You will be broken; however, know your Heavenly Father loves to catch you, your tears and the pieces of your heart. He will wrap you and them in His loving arms and restore them for His greater purpose. You truly cannot imagine the amazing love of your Heavenly Father. 

He loves you and in His eyes, you are beautiful. He made you in His image. These are the words He knows to be true and longs to hear from you, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." The Father, Son and Holy Spirit created man and woman in their image and said, "they were very good." I know you struggle with your weight, the photos in the magazines, TV and movie screens, as well as the harsh words from mean girls and guys. However, know that God sees you as beautiful no matter what the number on the scale is because all of His creation is good. He sees your beautiful heart and does not want you to cause harm to the beautiful person He created just so you can "fit in" to the false expectations and lies of an evil world. Trust the plans He has for you that were written long before you were born and know you are beautiful each and every step of the way.

You were born to standout, my dear, so be your unique self. Laugh at your quirkiness and embrace your personal style. You have been a Jesus Freak since you accepted Him at age 7 and have not been ashamed to speak His name. Stand strong and do not back down. It will not be easy, but Christ did not promise that the Christian walk would be easy; however, He did promise that He would not leave or forsake us. You will be questioned by your family and friends but know this is a sure sign that you are doing what is right in following the will of your Heavenly Father. People have always looked at you as "weird" but embrace it because you are part of the chosen called by Him for a greater purpose. As it says in 1 Peter 2:9-10 The Message, "But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted." You will feel rejected time and time again but do not give up. Remember His promises, lean on Him and know that He will always love and accept you.

So stay strong, stand firm in the purpose He gave you and keep shining your bright smile for Jesus! And one final thought, in the wise words of your youth pastor, "Keep 'em thirsty!"

Love always,
Jenn

Sharing My Story, Starting a New Chapter!

So yeah, it's been a while... I can't tell you the number of times I've started to post and then stopped. God has done a lot of work in a little more than a year. My family has gone through more tests, and although they are not over, I know He is faithful. I know there is more of the story to share and parts that I am holding onto tight He will have me share one day in His perfect timing. After all, they are a part of the journey.

However, I do want to share some exciting updates with you, if you have not already read them from my Facebook posts. I'm starting a new chapter and God has given me a couple of opportunities to share my story along the way to this new beginning.

First, I was introduced to The Grace Mask blog through friends at church. I was really excited about this opportunity because I really desired to have some professional photos taken in light of the miraculous weight loss journey God gave me. However, I knew it was about more than beauty shots. I knew this was something God wanted to use also. So for this reason and in God's direction, I chose to share the story on The Grace Mask blog. The experience was such a blessing. I was able to hear more amazing God stories and encourage others to share what God has done in their lives.  I'm so thankful for the stepping stones He brings that lead to another part of the journey, and the people He brings along the way to make those amazing impacts.

Second, the BIGGEST change in my life has occurred with my involvement in the amazing ministry and organization of LeadHer. God brought together so many puzzle pieces of my journey when He placed this ministry and all the wonderful ladies into my life. Looking back at it now, I can truly see God's hand in it all. I am so blessed to be a part of this ministry and cannot believe God is allowing me to be involved in such a marvelous work of His. I am daily encouraged by the ladies, who are older and younger than me, as they speak words of Truth and Life. I'm truly excited about this new chapter -- to see how the ministry will grow and all of the new faces He will bring into our paths along the way.

With this new chapter, I will be spending a great deal of time posting on the social media sites for LeadHer, as well as other responsibilities. Among those responsibilities will be the LeadHer blog. For my first post, I wrote an introductory piece and some insight as to my involvement in the ministry. So with that being said, I cannot tell you how often I will actually be on this blog. However, I hope you will to continue to follow all the amazing things God is doing via the Facebook and LeadHer sites. I cannot really express how amazing this whole opportunity is for me. Again, all I can think is, "God is Faithful, and I am humbled!"

There's a song by Casting Crowns called "You're Already There" that really relates to it all. Singer Mark Hall shares the story of the song here. I hope you all know that no matter what you are facing, whether it's a valley or mountain top experience that God truly is there through it all with you. Nothing is a surprise to Him. He loves you with an everlasting love and He wants the best for you!

Thank you all for your continued support, prayer and encouragement along the way. You all are a blessing.

Many Blessings,
Jenn

A Love Story

This weekend I was blessed with the opportunity to attend the Designed for Life women's conference at James River Assembly. Sharing the theme of A Love Story, powerful speakers Debbie Lindell, Christine Caine, Priscilla Shirer and Dianne Wilson encouraged more than 4,000 ladies to share the love story that they have with Jesus.

I was so encouraged, blessed and moved. Like one the speakers said, it was like going on an amazing getaway date with God as He wrapped us in tremendous reminders of His love all weekend. We were reminded and encouraged to share where He brought us from, that He will deliver us and how He has given us each a hope and future.

I also love that my love story with Jesus began 22 years ago today! At the age of 7, I accepted Jesus as my Savior and I'm so thankful that I know He's been with me through every day of my life! To mark this special day, I thought it only appropriate to share some of my story.

On September 30, 1990, I met my Savior during junior church at Park Crest Baptist Church. While I can't remember every detail, I can remember raising my hand to acknowledge my need for a Savior and going into the classroom next door where I prayed with one of the teachers. I also remember running to my Daddy to tell him that I got saved and him writing it down in my pink Bible. 

For about a period of five years, my family was in and out of church as we went through the trials of separation, divorce, my Momma's first heart attack and my parents' remarriage. In 1996, my dear friend, Amanda, invited me to go to church with her at Valley View Baptist in Walnut Grove. I quickly fell in love with the church and invited my parents to attend also. I was excited to find out some of my parents' friends attended there also and they quickly made more friends also. 

We became greatly involved in the church as a family. My Dad would share what God had laid on his heart from time to time; my Mom sang specials; she and I sang in the choir and worked with the little ones together. I also participated in two missions trips to Mexico and felt the Lord's call to work with children and youth while I was in Mexico. I loved God and was encouraged to share His love with others.

In the summer of 2000, I began visiting friends at High Street Baptist when my parents could not attend church. I enjoyed going to church with many of my friends from school and meeting new people. I was challenged and encouraged to grow in faith. My amazing youth pastor, Ron, and his wonderful wife, Cindy, invited us into their home for Bible study, took us on camp trips to Colorado and Texas that challenged, stretched and grew our faith even more. I shared many talks with Ron. One that made a tremendous impact was the afternoon we talked at a wrestling match about what I hoped to do with my life. I knew God wanted me to help teens; however, I knew He also wanted me to be a writer. So Ron suggested that I work for a Christian teen magazine and as soon as he said it I knew that was what God had for me. It laid heavily on my heart in high school, college and led me to where I am today.

I graduated from the youth group in 2002; however, I was tremendously blessed to serve as a youth counselor in the Varsity youth group for a brief time in 2003-2004. I loved working with my freshman girls and getting to know all the teens. Counseling them allowed me to grow as I wanted to be a positive influence in their lives and encourage them in their faith walks. I loved every minute with the teens! It was my great love for them that helped me to work hard on my magazine prototype in my Magazine Editing & Publishing class in college. It was my baby and a dream that God birthed in me to make a positive impact in the lives of teen girls. It's a desire that I still carry in my heart today and I know God is bringing me closer to making that difference each day.

However, it was also in 2003 and 2004 when a series of tough times really hit my family. In 2003, we saw my grandfather and cousin sadly pass away. My mother took a horrible fall in 2004 that would drastically change her life. Shortly into the beginning of my senior year at Evangel, my Nanny (Daddy's mother) passed on September 27, 2005. Although we celebrate that she is in Heaven, her passing was a major loss to our family. She was the glue to our large extended family. Her love was amazing for her 7 kids and 19 grandkids. 

Then, at the end of my senior year within the matter of a week, my family went through an emotional roller coaster. On April 26, 2oo6, my uncle Butch (Mom's brother) unexpectedly passed at the age of 51. My parents' 24th anniversary was pretty much forgotten on April 27. The visitation was held on Sunday, the same day a party was held by my Dad's brothers and sisters to celebrate his 60th birthday. The funeral was on Monday, May 1, the first day of my finals. My baccalaureate was held on Thursday, May 4, Dad's birthday and my college graduation was on Friday, May 5. 

Then, the biggest blow to our lives came when my Daddy passed away on Thursday, June 15, 2006, just days before Father's Day. It was six weeks after my college graduation and nine months after his mother's passing. My world as I knew it was changed forever. Although I can remember many details from the time, the pain and loss led me to pretty much feel like a walking zombie for the next two years. The loss of my Daddy is something that I still have to deal with today. It's hard to just be in complete peace when someone who made such a huge impact in your life is gone, and to know that there will be so much of my life that He will not be here physically to celebrate with me. As we were coping with these hard losses, we endured another sadness on August 25, 2007, my Grandma (Mom's mom) passed into eternity. Although her passing was the most beautiful heavenly home-going, we literally sang hymns around her beside, the loss was almost like pouring salt on an open wound. I literally feared 2008 coming because I did not want to see another member of my family pass away.

However, I know that it was truly during this time that my Jesus carried me. He still carries me and He will always be there for me.

Oh, there is so much that God has brought us through I could go on and on in the details. I truly could write a novel. Thankfully, in 2008, He truly began to restore the joy in our lives. On May 4, 2008, the day my Daddy would have been 62, Momma and I joined Graceway Baptist. Although my time there was short, I am so thankful for the healing and friendships I found in that church. I was able to jump into ministry again and saw God move in our situation. It was the turning point that truly showed me that we are His children and He will always be there for us.

It was during this time that I also began working at the General Council of the Assemblies of God that led to me writing for Oncourse magazine, the national youth magazine for the AG. It was also during this time that I turned over my lifelong struggle of weight to God and He miraculously began my journey of weight loss. He blessed me the knowledge, opportunities and strength to lose 140 lbs. And, it was during this time that I met amazing people that encouraged me to visit James River Assembly, where I have been overwhelmed time and time again by the amazing presence of the Holy Spirit. In a little more than a year, I cannot keep up with the count of the messages that I have felt so moved by God's message that I left with a tear-stained face.

I am overwhelmed by God's amazing love. I talk so much about the amazing friendships that God has blessed me with throughout my 29 years. So many of you have truly touched my life; however, the friendship that I share with Jesus is the greatest friendship and love that I could ever know. I am definitely more in love with Him today and pray to be more every day. As I begin my 29th year of life, 22nd year with Him, my desire more than ever is to be in His will, to go where He wants me to go and tell our amazing Love story that we share to all He wants to hear.

Thank you, God, for this amazing journey.

Love Always,
Jenn

Read my guest blog post!

My first guest blog post just went live! I would love for you to read the post on the Thrive Personal Fitness blog. It's a wonderful blog and very beneficial to anyone wanting to make any healthier choices.

Have a wonderful week, friends!

Many blessings,

Jenn

More than I can imagine

Hello, friends!

So it looks like I'm playing catch up on the blog again. I'm very excited to report though that as the temperatures have become warmer, my life has become busier!

In May, I began two wonderful volunteer opportunities and both involve being a positive influence in the lives of women. Amazing! I know that God is able to do more than we could ask or imagine but it's still hard for me to imagine myself being in my current status.

First, I'm blessed to be a mentor for this year's local BetterU Challenge. I've created a private online group for the 10 amazing women to communicate and encourage each other through the challenge and have been so pleased to see how the ladies are coming together in just the first week. I'm also excited to be journeying with them through the workouts, informational meetings and more. In case you missed it, the News-Leader did a nice write up on the kick-off event that you may read here. I'm also thrilled to have the opportunity to have a guest blog post with Thrive Personal Fitness on Monday. That's definitely not something I would ever say or be given the opportunity! So be looking for more frequent post as I go through the journey again with the encouragement of these amazing ladies as my focus.

Second, God made amazing divine appointments when I was volunteering at the JRA men's conference in April. I was talking with a friend who told me about an amazing women's organization that she works for called LeadHer. God is still working out all the details as far as my involvement with this amazing organization; however, I am excited to get to know these ladies at the local monthly meetings where I am so encouraged and blessed. Our local group also volunteers in Ozark once month ministering at a women's shelter. So thankful for God's leading and excited to see what He has in store.

As for June, I'm thankful for the Lord's leading and healing. Since my father's passing June 15, 2006, I have dreaded this month. However, this year has been so amazing and I have just been so blown away by the works of His hands. I'm thankful to feel His loving embrace and find myself surrounded by such loving family and friends. Also, more work opportunities have opened up with freelancing, working part time and watching kids. I am so blessed by all God has done and just can't wait to see what He has in store. I know He is at work! Now, I just have to keep telling myself to wait and He was He is going to do.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." 
-- Ephesians 3:20-21


Many Blessings,
Jenn

3.2.1... Nearing the Finish Line

Today I hit a major milestone in the journey. I knew it was coming and have anticipated it for months and years. Talk about endurance. 

I stepped on the scale today and the beginning number was new and it signified the tremendous change that God has made in my life. He has made me a new person and this journey in my life is nearing the end. He has stretched and strengthened me. I am doing so many things with joy in my life for the first time. I still have no "athletic ability;" however, I sure love the activity and laughing at my attempts as I'm learning and adjusting to this new life God has given me. Today, I stepped on the scale and my weight began with a "1!"

So here's the honest truth, family and friends. Everyone knows that women do not like to talk about their weight. However, I will happily share this because I praise God for the grace He has given me. When I started this journey in February 2010, I weighed 340 lbs. Today, I stepped on the scales and it fluctuated in the 190s. (Yes, I have to weigh several times to believe the reality and the scale changes every time. :) ) I am thrilled! I have less than 25 lbs. to lose and I will be finished with this journey. My finishing weight will be near 175, nearly half the weight I once was and much healthier. As a healthy, strong woman I will be able to fulfill the desires God has placed in my heart. I will be able to juggle all the tasks set before me with more ease, including the day, when God sees fit, for me to be the wife and mother that He created me to be. God has prepared me and I'm going to be in the best shape that I've ever been. I'm so excited to see what the future He has for me holds. 

Speaking of the future, I am happy to report that He is preparing me for a new journey. His messages have been so clear that there are great things coming. I do not not know what they are yet; however, I am so thrilled to know that He has prepared me to be spiritually and physically ready for what He has planned for me. Please pray with me as I seek His direction for this new and exciting chapter.

Again though, I have to Praise God for the work He has done! The most amazing thing about this journey is to see how God has been with me through it all. Obviously, it's not been easy. There have been a lot of rocks and possible detours, including: death, job uncertainty, relationship changes, moving, family health issues and more, that could have sidelined me during the journey. However, God was and is my constant companion. He's challenged and encouraged me every step of the way. He's ran beside me, even when I felt like I couldn't hear His direction, and He brought many amazing people into my life along the way to help cheer me on as I proceeded. Thank you, all, for your continued support, and most importantly, Thank you, God! Aaaahhh, He is so AMAZING!

"The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him." -- Exodus 15:2 

Many Blessings,

Jenn

Direction

Two years ago this month this amazing journey began to take care better care of myself. I truly realized that my body is the temple of God and if I wanted to fully serve Him, then I needed to make sure that this temple is healthy.

I was inspired to begin this journey after working at my first National Fine Arts Festival. It's an experience that I will never forget. We were coming close to the beginning of the Celebration Service (the best part of the entire week) and we had to run across the convention center before the start of the service. I ran as hard and fast as I could but I just could not keep up. I did catch up with everyone and was overwhelmed with tears when I arrived. I could not believe that God had brought this truly amazing opportunity into my life to be able to help young people "discover, develop, and deploy" their God-given gifts and now I was going to be able to watch these amazing youth share in front of a huge audience in an American Idol Finale-like style. It was the following February when I was thinking of returning to the festival that I was determined that I did not want my lack of health to keep me from doing what God was leading me to do any more.

Since then, God has amazed me time and time again through this journey. In two years God has given me the strength to lose about 130 lbs. and be in the best shape. He has given me so much energy. Anyone who knows me knows me knows how much I love kids and playing with them. I have so much more energy to play with them and that just puts the biggest smile on my face. As I have said before, I finally feel like I am becoming the woman that God created me to be, fulfilling the desires that He has placed in my heart.

However, to fully become the strong temple that He wants me to be I realized that I needed to slow down a little and get back to what mattered most, my relationship with God. Throughout the last year, God not only did a great work in my health, He also began a greater work in my spiritual health. In August, He led me to take another big step in my life and follow Him. I began attending James River Assembly and have felt His spirit move more in my life than ever before. He has grown great friendships that I had and brought amazing new ones into my life. I have tremendously enjoyed attending the amazing services and getting involved with James River Women rallies, working with the infants and my awesome life group.

I've dug deeper into my relationship with Him and He has blessed me with the most amazing opportunities. He's expanded my writing opportunities and opened doors to share what He has done in my life with so many people. How can I do anything else but Praise Him?! Don't get me wrong, it's not been all daisies and roses, our family has had plenty of trials in the past few months; however, our God is way more Powerful and Faithful than our problems and He's leading us through this storm just as He has every other storm. He's never left our side and He never will.

A few days ago I was reading through Facebook and was delighted to see this in the Message from God application:

On this day, God wants you to know...

... that it is important to care for the temple of your body.

Even more important is your spirit, which is the light within that temple. A beautiful temple may attract others, but it is the light that will touch hearts.

Imagine the peace and reassurance it brought to my heart. Putting Him first is always the right answer. He will always guide us down the right path. When we feel like we have no hope, we can turn to Him and He will always lead us in the right direction.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. -- Matthew 6:33

Thank you all again for your tremendous support and encouragement. You all are loved and appreciated so much!

Many Blessings,

Jenn